So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
