My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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