SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I did not marry a roomba.
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