she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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