you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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