apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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