I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
