oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
