hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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