That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
