East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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