can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
