Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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