Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
