How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
