I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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