I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
