I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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