a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
