so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
