its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
