but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
