why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
