im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
