Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
