didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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