i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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