dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
