All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
