yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Acid is not a monday night drug
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
