Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize