She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
one might say we're banned from that church
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
