Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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