I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
