just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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