I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm passing your future prison.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
