hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
