I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need to sanitize my soul.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
