Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
