You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
