she was so not down for the gang bang
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
