Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
