Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
