im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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