Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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