Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
