In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
