Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
