You just made me feel so damn special
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
