you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
