I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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