I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
