Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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