69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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