She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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