I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
