Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
