Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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