4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
