She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
