Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
this hospital has no fireball
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
