Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
