I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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