What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
