So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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