I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
