If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
