I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
send nudes
from the living room?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
