At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
