At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
