You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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