Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
