I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
