Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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