im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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